Brooding
On project delays, staying the course, and finding the right balance
One of our chickens, Créme, has gone broody. This means she’s spending a lot of time in the nesting box sitting on an unfertilized egg. When we open the back door of the coop to peek in on her, she makes a sound that is as near a purr as a chicken can make. It is a gentle vibration, drawn out and quiet.
In her nesting box Créme fluffs her feathers around her neck and along her back so she looks twice her normal size, giving the impression of a large, feathery marshmallow. She is almost unrecognizable. Her inflated feathers provide warmth, and she is utterly devoted to keeping that egg warm.
I’m told she’ll do this for a couple of weeks. That’s a lot of time sitting on an unfertilized egg, never to become a mother. At the same time, everything about her says she’s ready—lead hen, looking out for everyone, first to sound the alarm. Moo feels bad for her. I only wish I could tell her the nesting isn’t going anywhere. I admit, I do find it kind of funny in a dark sort of way. Probably because as a mother, I am currently in one of those depletion phases where all you can do is laugh.
Last week, I mothered hard. Bb woke up crying every day of a severely sore throat. We kept her home and off devices and I worked with her on puzzles, flash cards, and brain games, trying to get her to eat something but throwing most of it away. I hoped it would pass on its own, but Friday she was still bad and a developing rash took us to the doctor’s office where they prescribed antibiotics for strep. I resist antibiotics as frequently as I can, but they sure do work, even if the patient only takes it kicking and screaming. This most recent illness is off the back of a norovirus Bb picked up just a week ago so it has been quite the two week span for this poor girl (and her mama).
Moving things around
Because of the strep, I had to cancel eight separate appointments over the course of just last week. I hate canceling things the way I hate being late, but it is what it is. If you are one of the eight, I hope it helps to know you aren’t alone.
It frustrates me to not be able to make progress on things I’m excited about, and I do still have a lot of irons on the fire. Here are some categorical updates.
Writing
I submitted my short story, “The Girls,” to my story writing group for the first time and had an amazing experience; I received both high praise and solid feedback that tightens up my writing. Will do again.
A short story contest coming up end of June from a climate publication, Grist, looks like something I’d like to submit to. Imagine 2200: celebrating the futures we want to see. Join me?
I finished Ecology of a Cracker Childhood (highly recommend; super readable mix of memoir and nature writing)
I acquired a stack of library books to read as research for my novel. I have only the ending left to write and I’ve done more chapter mapping there. But I’ve hit a point where I need to understand my characters and situation more deeply.
Environment & gardening
Finished an article on Papalo (a cilantro-like herb) for Seminole County’s extension office gardening newsletter, Greenthumb. Sign up for local gardening tips here
Attended a Friends of Wekiva meeting and they were receptive to my strategy prodding (!). FOW is a phenomenal group with a long history that began in the 80s. I’m eager to learn about their conservation efforts in Central Florida.
We enlisted help from our construction crew’s bobcat to dig out and move a ten-year-old avocado tree planted by the previous owner. We moved it to the back of the property where I’ve been diligently watering it in hopes of keeping it alive. So far so good!
Construction projects
Progress is being made on both construction projects on either side of the house. The footers have been poured for mom’s addition and block will start this week. On the pool, we are expecting footers to be poured this week and waiting for the pavers to arrive.
Bees and other things
Both hives of bees are still hanging around. One hive is very small, but their comb is beautiful. The other hive is bigger and growing faster, but they continue to build wonky comb. I wonder which will ultimately become stronger? My sister-in-law and I spent a couple hours last Saturday cutting out the unconventional comb and hoping to let the brood hatch out in the top box. We have two more weeks to see if that experiment plays out, then I will melt down the wax and add it to their other frames. They seem to not like the black foundation, so hopefully this helps.
I’m excited to be doing a couple freelance projects with my old friend, Paul. I’m not doing a ton of freelance right now but this work fits, and I’m excited to dig in.
Had a wonderful time making silly masks for eclipse viewing with friends! The path of totality for the next eclipse (in twenty years…) should pass right over Florida. This time we had about 50% coverage.
Final brooding thoughts
My biggest insight these past couple weeks, having been more available to my family and for chores… to talk to our contractors, to meet about taxes, to fix broken stuff at the house, and at our rental house, to run errands and take care of chores that in our previous lives would linger for months, to stay up all night holding a bowl under my daughter’s face and stroking her hair, or dropping everything and whisking her off to the doctor, to be able to meet my girls regularly for lunch… It makes me realize just how starved everyone has been for my attention. I would not have been able to do all those things when I was working at Lattice.
Perhaps in the end, I wasn’t balancing the needs of my family with the demands of work very well. That’s okay; I am still in the period of correcting an imbalance. Other colleagues I’ve spoken to said this process for them took a whole year. So I should be patient with myself.
I may not be making as fast progress on my writing career as I hoped. I find myself frustrated, wanting to hatch a million new things, but unable to. Yet, I have to trust my instincts. Sit on my next project. Content myself with the knowledge that it isn’t time yet for some things.
Friends (and most of you right now are friends I’ve known personally!), what are you brooding about? What do you hope to get to, but it isn’t yet the right time? Update me on your lives!
On, on,
cassie.