Ending one book

And looking ahead to my next chapter as a full-time writer/maker/whatever

Big news, here! Today is my final day of work as a Product Design Director at Lattice. After today, my schedule opens up to new possibilities, and until August at least I’m committed to finishing my novel and growing my writing practice. On the walk home from school pickup yesterday, my friend asked me how I was feeling about it. I pictured a ball, quivering and shaking with energy, but also dropping through mid-air. I shared three words: Confused, sad, ecstatic. He nodded his head. It’s all very understandable.

Confused

Trying to be a writer and working in tech often felt oppositional. How to be an honest writer, a brave writer, while maintaining the professionalism, authority, focus, of a leader in tech? When I was doing my best to keep everything balanced, I was a director for 40 hours a week and a writer for 10. Now that those numbers are flipping, what will that feel like? I don’t yet know how to be in this new state. Am I a designer-writer, a writer-designer, a designer-writer-entrepreneur, a stay-at-home-mom with a hobby? Just a writer? Something else? Monday is opaque for me, and the next three-to-six-ish months will surely test me. This is part of the intent of course, to shake things up, but it’s an unusual decision, kinda lonely, and I’m without community for a little bit as I transition. (That said, I’m so glad you all are here and are so far willing to work through this confusion with me!)

Sad

Today is the final page of a book I have loved. There were parts of it I didn’t like, sure, parts I skimmed, some broken plot lines and a questionable character or two, but some parts were so wonderful that I took my nose as close to the page as it would go, and I laughed, I cried, I held vigil with others in my community at Lattice. I am sad because leaving something behind that you’ve loved is always hard. I’m going to miss the colleagues I know I won’t keep in touch with as well as we’d both like. I am a person who appreciates closure, and it feels necessary to mourn a previous life so that I can fully embrace the possibilities of what’s next.

Ecstatic

I am also beyond ecstatic. I feel so lucky and grateful to my partner for being supportive of this wild dream. I have imagined this life for some time now: Wake up early, write, run, garden, be more present with my family. Health, passion, caregiving, in balance and prioritized freely based on need.

Being full-time employed is such a constraint on one’s time, which is perfect if it’s what your heart wants to do. This has just been an itch for me that has grown deeper under the skin the longer I’ve waited to scratch it. It is soooooo satisfying to be here now. I will say also, management is a huge responsibility and is overwhelming at times. I’m looking forward to a break from it and just getting to be friends with people without the social-overhead of being a manager too. I am more free.

So that’s all for now, I just wanted to share the news here and welcome those from Lattice and Linkedin who are now following along! I intend to share more regularly here once again, hold me to it.

A couple things I’m starting this March:

The Artist’s Way – My mom gave me this book twenty years ago and it’s been sitting on my shelf since. I never realized it was a 12 week course. I’m going to use it now to reclaim my maker mindset and get back to the habit of daily writing. 

Write or Die 101 – I have loved the Feb course on submitting to lit mags so far, and intend to take some time to fully finish it.

Building a chicken run. The girls have been going too far afield and we lost our precious Pippo. Here are my plans in the works. I’m sure I’m doing something wrong here, feel free to tell me about it.

Working out how to build a chicken run

RIP Pippo

xo
cassie.